OH. MY. ELEGANT DESIGNS.
Why is life so cruel, that television has to show us such visions of loveliness, and us not being able to fulfil them in real life? I’d kill for a nice bathroom, but we won’t even be able to think about that stuff until the kids are out of school.
Today’s intrigue came to you via a new character on Week of Our Lives, played by Kayley Curry-Conway. She’s been in many movies, so how they got someone so high profile I’ll never know. Anyway, she’s a billionaire genius playgirl philanthropist capybara-enthusiast, and she invited everyone in Realsville to her gigantic manor house for a manor house-warming. Naturally, her bathroom design and renovations alone floored most of the residents, but particularly Lena. Obviously this is a reference to Lena’s father’s dying wish, that she renovate her bathroom, because he was always coming to visit and she’d never replaced that one shower-head that didn’t have enough pressure. But ALSO, Lena’s dad used to be a Somalian pirate, and he went fifteen years without a single shower, only to come back to live with his daughter and find that her shower-head was terrible, and her bathroom wasn’t NEARLY big enough to hide all of the treasure he earned through all his years of ill-gotten gains. He died a few seasons ago of a severe case of whooping fictionalitis, but seeing this beautiful bathroom design brought it all back so violently that Leena blurted out to everyone that her Dad used to be a pirate, and Kayley revealed that she set the whole thing up so that she could find the daughter of the famous Somali buccaneer who retired to Australia, because her father was a rival pirate and he died trying to find the treasure of his greatest enemy. Ugh, the intrigue, I can’t even! The beautiful bathroom design as well! Why couldn’t I have lived in a mansion…?