Confession time: I don’t actually have weak retinas. It’s just such an easy lie, you know? Nobody can walk up to me and say ‘John, you do NOT have weak retinas, you lying liar’. I mean, who’d do that? That’d be rude. Instead, they have to accept everything I say, which means that I get to wear sunglasses all the time. They’re pretty tame in terms of blocking UV, and they sort of look like they could be prescription, which just helps with the ruse. But the main thing is that they hide my eyes and make me feel powerful. I know, it’s dumb. But it’s a crutch. I feel great when I’m wearing them, and utterly degenerate when I’m not. There’s no balance, and it’s terrible.
It’s starting to spread to other areas of my life, because of course I need residential window tinting done on my apartment. What if I’m looking through my window and I make eye contact with a person? Cringe to the max indeed. It’s not about spying, I swear, but it does certainly help with my whole thing about not wanting to be seen…doing anything. I can look out of my tinted windows and feel a sense of total privacy. I’m not doing anything weird…I just don’t want people to see me doing even the most mundane stuff. What if I put out some laundry and people down in the street start judging me for it? Like, my technique might be off. Or I might be watching TV and they’re in the middle of an important errand and they judge me for my laziness. Awful, the very thought of it.
This way, I hold all the power. I’d love to drive around the streets and cafes and shops in a little buggy with a tinted dome, but that might be going a little bit too far. Maybe. Hence the sunglasses, and the great deception. Although now that I’ve come up with the idea of the buggy, it’s sounding grand. I wonder if frosting glass services could whip me up something. Frosted glass is sort of like tinting, but…the stylish version.