I fear the future is bleak for me and my flat. I have NO skills in DIY, and I’m not really too keen on cleaning either. I always worry that something will go horribly wrong one day- like, I won’t have heating in the dead of winter- and I’ll be too shy to call the landlord so I’ll just have to suffer in silence for the entire season. Is that my destiny? I have to ask.
I only just learned recently how much maintenance has to be done on a property. It’s a lot more than just cutting the grass and replacing the windows when someone’s cricket through goes amiss. No, you have to worry about paint jobs, weather damage to the brick, window replacements, gas fittings, heating and cooling services, roof tiling that falls off in storms and almost smacks you while you’re in a rush and…probably a lot more. I have a loft space, so there’s probably a lot of stuff to do with that. Rats, termites, possum nests…you name it.
Obviously I need to be prepared for the future. Find a quality Melbourne based drain plumber I can trust, keep them on my list. Make them first on my list, actually…because I don’t have a list yet and I feel like I should have one. I need plumbers, roofing people, heating and cooling folks, gardeners, window repair people, anyone who can help me in a time of crisis. Plumbers most of all, though; I just couldn’t bear it being the dead of winter and having my hot water break down. I’d have to go into work smelling like a person who hasn’t washed in days, which would be absolutely true. They don’t make deodorant that strong. And then I’d be stuck when it came to washing the dishes, so out would come the paper plates and that’d be it in terms of good habits I’ve managed to build up. Stress, so much stress. I’ll ask Angela at work if she knows anyone who can do the drain replacement in Melbourne. She knows everything, Angela. Maybe I’ll just borrow her 24 hour emergency plumber list.
I would’ve thought that a psychologist would know his stuff. Two weeks later, we’re still essentially adrift at sea and no one is getting on any better.
‘The 40 Day Ocean Challenge’, they called it. Take your family out to sea in a boat! The proximity will cause all the tension to vanish as you forget your petty squabbles and unite to keep everything ship-shape. Day 24, and Maria still isn’t talking to me. Codey is being a typical teenager and shirking on ALL of his jobs, while Chiara has spent most of the voyage hanging off the edge of the boat, trying to get reception for her phone so she can talk to her boyfriend.
I’ve TRIED to create some sort of teamwork. Last night I hosted an interactive seminar on how Melbourne’s anchor winch industry functions, and the lessons we can learn about our own sailing from our city’s attitude towards marine trailer repairs. I…didn’t really know what I was doing. The seminar was sort of well-attended, but that’s mostly because there are only two places on this boat to go: on deck and inside. It’s too cold to spend much time on deck in the evenings, so…everyone was there. But not there. I had a whole presentation planned on anchor winches and such, but everyone chose to ignore me.
This experiment isn’t doing what it was supposed to. I don’t know…maybe once we hit day 32 we’ll suddenly come to understand each other as a family, we’ll slot into our roles and my nightly sessions where we list the things we were thankful for during the day will not be utterly scorned. At the very least, we should learn the basics of outboard motor servicing. Melbourne has a proud history of such things…but I don’t think it’s going to happen. We’re coming back from this just as dysfunctional as ever.
Oh well! Just got to hang out for day 32, I guess!
Sometimes I REALLY wish I was one of those DIY people. My parents never even taught me how to change a plug, so when I found out that changing a plug was a really basic thing that everyone knows? Embarrassing. So shameful. And then there are loads of basic things that I just don’t know, because no one ever taught me. The only knot I know is the shoelace one. I’ve never baked a cake, or converted a music file. How did I miss out on so much?? I’m going to be one of those people that wastes loads of money paying people to do basic things all through my life, because I was never taught.
And now my friends have all chipped in to buy me an aluminium toolbox for my 25th birthday. If I had to guess, I’d say this was about 20% a hilarious gag, and 80% them actually trying to give me some kind of drive to get better at this stuff. I think it all came about when I was at the cafe with Ruth the other day and she said that she had to go and buy a new lightbulb. I…might have expressed some surprise that bulbs can be bought in shops. I always thought you just called in a maintenance person and they got them from the secret maintenance shop, or something. Oh, and it turns out they come in boxes, so how am I supposed to know what they look like??
Anyway, it’s not like I’ll ever buy a ute and stick some draw systems on it, but I hope I can at least learn some basic stuff. And that’s why Mum and Dad bought me a pass to a special course: ‘The Basics: Home DIY’. Should be…fun. The first module is just on not being scared by lists of tradespeople terms, like removable service bodies and remote toolbox central locking. Which of course has me panicking. But not for long…right?