The Great Family Boating Experiment

outboard motor servicingI would’ve thought that a psychologist would know his stuff. Two weeks later, we’re still essentially adrift at sea and no one is getting on any better.

‘The 40 Day Ocean Challenge’, they called it. Take your family out to sea in a boat! The proximity will cause all the tension to vanish as you forget your petty squabbles and unite to keep everything ship-shape. Day 24, and Maria still isn’t talking to me. Codey is being a typical teenager and shirking on ALL of his jobs, while Chiara has spent most of the voyage hanging off the edge of the boat, trying to get reception for her phone so she can talk to her boyfriend.

I’ve TRIED to create some sort of teamwork. Last night I hosted an interactive seminar on how Melbourne’s anchor winch industry functions, and the lessons we can learn about our own sailing from our city’s attitude towards marine trailer repairs. I…didn’t really know what I was doing. The seminar was sort of well-attended, but that’s mostly because there are only two places on this boat to go: on deck and inside. It’s too cold to spend much time on deck in the evenings, so…everyone was there. But not there. I had a whole presentation planned on anchor winches and such, but everyone chose to ignore me.

This experiment isn’t doing what it was supposed to. I don’t know…maybe once we hit day 32 we’ll suddenly come to understand each other as a family, we’ll slot into our roles and my nightly sessions where we list the things we were thankful for during the day will not be utterly scorned. At the very least, we should learn the basics of outboard motor servicing. Melbourne has a proud history of such things…but I don’t think it’s going to happen. We’re coming back from this just as dysfunctional as ever.

Oh well! Just got to hang out for day 32, I guess!

-Max

My Amazing Fishing Rod Idea

fishing rod holdersSome folks deserve a statue of themselves in the town square, but end up forgotten. Just like that Nikola Tesla fellow, who did a lot more than the other fellow but had all his glory stolen. Even here, hundreds of years later, that still makes my blood boil just a little bit.

I like to think I’ll go down in the history books for my inventions, but I’m thinking someone with money and power will just swoop in and steal it, and I’ll just spend the rest of my days working at a fishing rod shop, underappreciated. Still, I have a big meeting coming up with the innovations department of Lawrence Corp, so surely a company that large will have to have some kind of integrity. Right?

Don’t know, I’ve never done anything like this before; never even had an IDEA like this before. I was just thinking about fishing rod holders, and how it’d be great if we could move them around the boat a bit more easily. Right now we have to unscrew them and put them somewhere else, and sometimes it’s not screwed in properly and the rod holder AND rod can just fall right in and it’s terrible. Not that I mind a dip while I’m fishing, but it’s embarrassing when I’m out with the guys and my I haven’t fixed the rod holder properly.

My problem, I get it. But then I thought…why can’t we just have a rail that goes all around the boat? Like a snapper rack, but custom made and running the entire length of the perimeter. You can fix a rod holder in at one point, but it’s on a rail and can just slide anywhere you want without having to take it out. I think it could really take off as an idea! I just have to pitch it to the people properly. Like a snapper rack, but…not. No, I can’t say that. Argh, so nervous!

-Clive

Icebreakers: Not Available in Melbourne

outboard motor repair MelbourneLast night I saw a movie about an icebreaker ship, conveniently titled Icebreaker Ship. You know the ones; big clunky numbers, chopping through arctic ice as people go on expeditions and hunt whales and such, except in this movie the people were investigating a crashed alien ship in the arctic. It wasn’t all that realistic- for one thing, the aliens were these big tentacle monsters who didn’t seem like they could tie a pair of shoes, let alone construct a blinky-lights ship for intergalactic travel- but the ship was rendered pretty well.

I had my phone, natural curiosity mingled with boredom (it was a pretty predictable movie) and eventually I was on the web, looking up outboard motor servicing in Melbourne and all kinds of nautical matters. Weird, because I’ve never been interested in boats before. Maybe this movie wasn’t as bad as I thought, since I was so fascinated by the big icebreaker that I wanted to know more.

You probably won’t be too surprised to learn that Melbourne dockyards currently have no plans for icebreaker construction. I guess ice in the waters around Australia isn’t a big concern, although I tried to see if any drifted over from the South Pole. You know, Tasmania is pretty close to the South Pole, much closer than you’d expect somewhere supposedly ‘hot’ to be. No dice, however…ships in the Tasmania harbours seem to have very little trouble with being frozen over by massive sheets of ice. Here, outboard motor servicing and anchor winches are the main industries, so I guess I’ll have to travel to the frozen north if I want to see one of them in action.

Do I even like the cold? Eh, it’s not too bad…but the people on board this massive ship seemed pretty miserable, and not just because of the aliens. Maybe I’ll stick to somewhat-sunny Melbourne, anchor winches and all. I guess those can be exciting.

-Fred

Plate Alloy or True Love?

alloy plate boat buildTrue love is hard. Don’t listen to all those songs that tell you it’s a cinch, or that you just fall in love with someone and it’s all sorted between the two of your forever. No, love is hard and sad, and sometimes one-sided which makes it even more sad. It’s alright, but I personally prefer the company of pets. Until I meet the right girl. But what IS the right girl’? WHO is the right girl?? It’s a mystery.

Love means sacrifice, and I don’t know if I’m ready to part with my stuff. I like my car the way it is, the dog is okay I guess…and then there’s the boat. The finest alloy plate boat money can buy; or at least, the money I had at the time after I scrimmaged and saved throughout all my teen years and finally managed to buy that thing. I did the research, had my heart set on plate alloy and finally, I was able to buy myself a boat for…well, boat stuff. Sometimes I go fishing, but my favourite thing is to just push it out on the lake, set up a beach umbrella and let the world’s cares float away. No more cares. No more, when I’m sitting in Juniper…

Oh, and Juniper is the name of the boat, partially because she’s green and I thought she needed a leafy name, and partially because I just love the name. Maybe a name for a daughter, if I ever make it that far. Of course, the GF wants the boat gone most of all. She doesn’t quite see things the way I do, which here means that she sees Juniper as a threat. I keep trying to explain that most boats have female names, and it doesn’t mean I’ll be out of the house for that long (just the necessary me time!), but it’s not working. This plate aluminium boat is the number one threat. I need a hiding place.

-Patrick