Call me crazy, but I don’t think a glass home was the best idea. The person who sold the idea to us was a very well-respected home designer, and he said that it was going to be his masterpiece. An entire home, made of glass! Unique in all of Melbourne, perhaps the world!
And we weren’t totally stupid. We DID make sure that parts of it would be frosted, so privacy could be preserved. Honestly, I don’t care if people look past the fence and see us watching TV or cooking pasta…I’m just not that concerned about privacy, funnily enough. Parts of the house are frosted, and that’s enough if I need to get away from prying eyes.
I just love glass, so almost everything in here IS glass. At least, everything that can be: the dining table, chairs, bathroom, doors…everything practical. The commercial glazing companies we consulted with all said that we should perhaps ease up, and we really should’ve listened. Fact of the day: when moving into a glass home, listen to all commercial and residential glaziers who give you even a sliver of advice. They’re the ones who are going to be fixing all your problems, after all. They said that ventilation and temperatures would be a problem, but we brushed it aside. Maybe it was…I don’t know, hubris? The intoxication of thinking about living in our miniature glass palace?
Anyway, it was all okay at first, particularly when the rain was lashing against the glass walls. But the other day it got to 18 degrees during the day without many clouds, and…wow. It felt like being in a microwave, and opening the windows did nothing. That’s what we chose, right? Basically a greenhouse, without the green? So…I guess people who do glass replacement near Melbourne for a living actually know what they’re talking about, so it would seem. Maybe we should’ve relegated the glass theme to just a few of the rooms.
Well, I’m back from Egypt, and I’m totally broke. Not only that, but my girlfriend has been seeing another guy. Oh and the institute has said that our research was a waste of time and they aren’t going to give us any more funding. I’m now living in the garage since Mum and Dad turned my room into a gym. A gym I have not seen them use once, I might add.
It was a really simple premise, as well! We just wanted to assemble a crack team of scientists from around the world to create glass that was totally indestructible.
It’s really one of the scourges of modern life that we have to put up with glass shattering. Glass nowadays can be extremely tough, which is why you get things like glass balustrades and that platform up at the top of the Eureka Tower where you can stand on glass and feel like you’re about to fall.
Still, your average, everyday glass breaks. It’s 2018; why are we still tolerating everyday items breaking apart when sufficient force is applied? Surely by now we should have come up with a way to make glass impervious to cracking. Glaziers shouldn’t have to deal with the stress of holding massive pieces of glass, knowing that the errant banana peel could ruin their day and cost them thousands in damages. Or worse…children on skateboards. Every glazier must live in fear of them, zipping around the streets with their poor depth perception, totally unaware of large glass objects.
So yeah, glass that cannot break. Currently, it does not exist, and things may just be staying that way. But I know that I can unlock the secret if I try hard enough, and we’re also given an extra three-million dollars in funding, and maybe if top rated glaziers in Melbourne came together in a massive picketing campaign to end broken glass. I don’t ask for much…
I had a lot of stupid ideas when I was a kid, mainly because I wanted to be an inventor and I was obsessed with coming up with the next big ‘thing’ that would revolutionise the world. ‘Course, I hadn’t a clue what that actually meant. I actually thought that a machine that turned people into teddy bears was going to make our world a better place, and I’ll I’d have to do was submit that idea to the government in exchange for my own private island and a boatload of cash.
So yeah, hindsight. Big time. Not everything was absolutely terrible, though. If I do say so myself, I even had a few ideas that might work, in niche situations. I used to look at high quality glass balustrading in Melbourne and wonder what it’d be like if you could pull a lever at the top and turn the whole thing into slippery slide of glass. So it’d be like having an instant helter-skelter. Of course, it’d have sensors to tell when a person is standing on it, so it’s not just a really expensive machine for pranks that might leave a person in the hospital. Ah, no. My seven-year-old self had thought of everything.
Don’t really know what it was about glass balustrading that made me feel that it needed to convert into an instant slide, for sliding fun times, but I probably just thought ‘vertical surface + slippery glass = instant innovation’.
Makes me wonder what else I could pull out of my memory that stands a chance of being a real thing. They weren’t all useless instant teddy bear machines. I think at one point I created a jet-pack that works via pedalling which then turns the turbines, boosting you into the air. You can’t tell me that’s not a cool idea.
Ah, well…maybe the world isn’t ready for my genius. But I can’t help it: every single time I see a well-crafted glass balustrade, I’ll just have to think of how great it would be if it converted into a slide. I’m sure they’ll be everywhere by 2025, I expect.