What IS it about reality TV that just hooks you in? I had no intention of watching the latest season of ‘The Fermentist’, but I watched episode three with Maggie while she was around and suddenly I’m stuck watching the whole, silly series, about silly people doing the silliest of things. I was *invested* as well. What was I even thinking?
Probably the same thing as I’m thinking now, because I’m properly into ‘Jack of All Trades’. To be fair, a few of my friend are business lawyers in Melbourne and they said that they MIGHT be appearing in the episode, so it wasn’t like I was watching the latest episode for no reason. They weren’t in it, by the way, and yet I did indeed sit through 53 minutes of complete amateurs trying to be lawyers and failing utterly.
The one saving grace was that they couldn’t actually have them involved in a legal case…for legal reasons. So actually, it was all a lot of mock-ups. No one was short-changed in the lawyer department. Still, the challenges were set up to be as real as possible. Leroy apparently took on the role of resident antagonist in this episode, since he went on the attack during that property law case and got kicked out of the courtroom. I knew there was a bit of that in him from the start; you can just tell from the look of a person sometimes. Probably why he was on the show in the first place. And then you’ve got Angelina trying to swallow an entire legal textbook overnight and just regurgitating what she thought she knew, but garbling the lot of it when it came to defending her ‘client’ in court. Thank heavens there was actual Melbourne based property lawyers there to look after them, otherwise it would’ve been a total word soup. Lady Salt really gave them a chewing out after the challenge was complete, which was SO gratifying because of…
Oh, I’m an addict, I really am.
Confession time: I don’t actually have weak retinas. It’s just such an easy lie, you know? Nobody can walk up to me and say ‘John, you do NOT have weak retinas, you lying liar’. I mean, who’d do that? That’d be rude. Instead, they have to accept everything I say, which means that I get to wear sunglasses all the time. They’re pretty tame in terms of blocking UV, and they sort of look like they could be prescription, which just helps with the ruse. But the main thing is that they hide my eyes and make me feel powerful. I know, it’s dumb. But it’s a crutch. I feel great when I’m wearing them, and utterly degenerate when I’m not. There’s no balance, and it’s terrible.
It’s starting to spread to other areas of my life, because of course I need residential window tinting done on my apartment. What if I’m looking through my window and I make eye contact with a person? Cringe to the max indeed. It’s not about spying, I swear, but it does certainly help with my whole thing about not wanting to be seen…doing anything. I can look out of my tinted windows and feel a sense of total privacy. I’m not doing anything weird…I just don’t want people to see me doing even the most mundane stuff. What if I put out some laundry and people down in the street start judging me for it? Like, my technique might be off. Or I might be watching TV and they’re in the middle of an important errand and they judge me for my laziness. Awful, the very thought of it.
This way, I hold all the power. I’d love to drive around the streets and cafes and shops in a little buggy with a tinted dome, but that might be going a little bit too far. Maybe. Hence the sunglasses, and the great deception. Although now that I’ve come up with the idea of the buggy, it’s sounding grand. I wonder if frosting glass services could whip me up something. Frosted glass is sort of like tinting, but…the stylish version.
This year’s Spooktacular Spook-fest was a spooktacular success! Halloween in Australia is still gaining some traction, sure, but events like this really help. It took two days, but we managed to completely convert the secondary wing of the school into a haunted house, and people really went for it! Probably helped that we based the whole thing around that show everyone likes, Stranger Danger. That one from the 80s. Don’t actually like it myself…but everyone else is properly into it, so it worked out just fine.
I think the lighting was our strongest aspect. I had James researching residential LED lighting all around Melbourne for weeks beforehand, both where to get the quality stuff and how to use it effectively, though you’d hope he already knew. He’s the one who wants to do special effects on film. And on-film is just real life, but in front of a camera. I mean that the lighting came off really well. So, the people started off in the entrance hall, all very brightly lit and not at all indicative of what they were in for. Then they went on a magical mystery tour of the world of Stranger Danger, where they were being hunted by a mysterious monster all through the process. This all ended in a claustrophobic segment, wherein they were hunted by multiple creatures- played by our very talented actors and dressed up in some great outfits from the costume department- and the lights went all blinky-blinky. I never actually went through the maze myself, but I did experience a sort of dry run. The blinking lights were very disorienting.
It’s true what James said: lighting truly is key to everything. We’re lucky Melbourne’s residential LED lighting is so prevalent, because we honestly didn’t leave enough time to actually gather enough of it. Lessons for next time. Which we need to start thinking about now, if we want to top this year’s show…