Movie studio ‘Bizney’ certainly have been busy, releasing all their old movies again in exactly the same way as before, but now live-action. As a business plan, I guess it works. All you need to do is make the trailer just that little bit different to convince people they’re getting something new, but also familiar enough to cling to, and then…just dig out the old script and make real life people say it, I guess. Nice work, if you can get it.
Just came out of Snooty and the Yeast, the tale as old as time about a high-class rich girl sent to work in a bakery who learns a valuable lesson about humility. It was alright, if almost identical to the cartoon version. Personally, I think the best one they’ve done so far is Solarella, the one with the girl who goes on a campaign against solar panels, until she falls in love with a guy who does solar panel cleaning. Melbourne has a bit of an industry happening there, which I think was the reason they let them shoot on-location. First time I’ve ever seen blatant product placement in a movie and still approved, because solar panels really are something we need to invest in. Call me an environmentalist, and maybe I am, a little bit, but they really could be humanity’s future.
I like how they changed the story from the original, too. Here the main girl had a fear of heights, which added layers to their complex relationship since he did everything from solar panel cleaning to roof maintenance, and all his jobs were way up high. There’s this whole subplot where she has to talk to him while he’s patching up a two-storey roof and she’s all conflicted about seeing him there, and there’s a song…I just think they handled the remake a whole lot better, and made Melbourne’s leaking roof business look great in the meantime. If a company as big as Bizney promote solar panels, maybe people will start taking them seriously.
What’s with all these action movies that have to have women as the main character? I’ve got nothing against women, I just think it’s time for them to step aside and make way for robots. They can complain about a lack of representation, but action girls have been around in cinema forever. When was the last time you saw a good old robotic being as a leading role. And not one of those stupid, realistic robots that look like people. Not an android. Those are the most idiotic concepts ever, because why would a self-respecting robot want to look and act like a person? No, I’m talking a real robot’s robot.
It doesn’t matter. It’s going to be, what…ten years before they’re running the place? Humans just do way too many dangerous jobs. Why be a window cleaner seventy floors up when you can hire a robot to climb up your mobile scaffolding, programme him to feel no fear and he’ll get the job done faster, and cheaper. And with the thriving robotics industry, it’s not like there’s going to be a lack of jobs. Or I guess if you really want to clean windows, stick to the jobs where falling off some platforms steps isn’t going to end with a severe bump on the head. Like…bottom floor windows?
And then they’ll pretty much be forced to give robots real roles in movies, because Hollywood is all about diversity, and what’s more diverse than a rising group of non-humans who maybe want to be represented in movies? And not with human actors, either. That’s a travesty, giving the role to one of them when there will be so many actual robotic actors who could do the job just fine. And then they won’t have to stupidly rewrite the plot to make it so the robot is actually an impossibly-realistic android, because *insert horrible explanation*.
I mean, you can’t argue it’s not practical. Ladder platforms are really high and scary, and acting is hard. Both problems, and many others, that can be solved with programming.